not another tipical thursday night.

It happened last week, I think. 
But I only have time to write about it today.
My 'sleep cycle' is way off track since, I don't know, a month ago, maybe.
So, on that night, 3 o'clock (well, morning, to be exact)
I was lying on my bed with my laptop on.

Then someone opened the door. There was this man, entered my room. White, American.
I was shocked, thinking, who the hell is he and what the fuk is going on.
He was drunk. I think. He must be.
All I can do was, just, watched him. 
I said, "You're in the wrong room." and hoping he would get out of the room when he saw me, someone that he don't know, in the room.
He was like, "oh."
Then he closed the door.


I started to panic. But, I didn't really do anything.
I don't know. I was just, shocked.
Then he walked slowly towards me. I woke up, sat on my bed, and just, looked him in the eyes. He did the same too.
It looked like he wanted to lay on my bed, next to me. =.="
I kept asking, "What are you doing? Are you okay? Do you know in who's room you're in now?"
He was like, didn't really respond to me. All he said was "yeah.." and kept looking into my eyes. 
He was really close to my bed. 
It gets really weird then. He was like, searching for something at the end of my bed.
Why would he be searching for something in a room he never been in before?

"What are you looking for?"

"Bathroom"


"Oh, not in here. Come, I'll show you where," while thinking what the fuk. =.="


I got off my bed, walked towards the door, opened it, got outside, and he followed me. 

"The bathroom is there, can you see the water cooler?"

"Oh. Thank you"


"No problem. Are you sure you're okay?" 


Then he just, walked away. I quickly got back into my room and LOCKED the door.
Only then, I really panic. omg. Did what happened, really happened?
Only then, I thought, what if he was drunk and throwing up everywhere.
What if he made a fuss in my room. What if? What if?

But one thing that amazed me is, how calm I was when that happened. I don't know. I was just, really shocked and speechless.


Moral of the story: Don't forget to lock the door.

cool.

3D hologram FTW!
 




Now I'm addicted to this song. =.="

basketball

even though I've been here for almost a year and a half, I just went to my first basketball game last Friday.
Vanderbilt vs. Presbyterian.
88 - 47.
Nice work Dores!

I forgot to bring my camera. =.="
deng.
anyway, it was a really good game.
Basketball is a really fast game. you won't get bored.
But, you will, if the gap of the points is too far away.
Brad Tinsley was amazing! #1

I learned few of those cheers. 
overall, it was very fun.
I'm thinking to go to the next game, if I can :)

people

people will only remember your wrong doings. most of the times.
so true. 
including myself.

it's a mean cycle. really vicious one.

so, make less, wrong doings.

everything happened for a reason.

I know. It's a cliché sentence, to make yourself feel better. 
and yeah, I know it doesn't work all the times.
but hey, if it comes from someone like your mom, it does helps you feel a lot better.
I don't remember the last time I cried this much. omg.
I didn't cried this much when I'm homesick too.
But man, I feel a lot better after that.

Obstacle like this made you reflect on yourself more.
I tried my best to make everyone happy, well, I think I did.
some people didn't feel that way.
I tried, maybe not hard enough.
blergh.
It's hard to satisfy everyone. 


If my presence will only make you feel, burdened, troubled, I'll step back.
I don't want to trouble anyone.
I gotta admit. I'm not a fighter. I'm a quitter.
I'm maybe strong physically, but I'm not emotionally.
like, seriously.


Hey, life sucks sometimes. Suck it up. Move forward.
Experiences will made you stronger and become more mature. I guess.

Congratulations.

Congratulations for being such a jerk, Aini.
*clapping.

I'm the bad guy. I always am. 
I don't know. Maybe I'm born to this world just to trouble everyone.
To be a burden to everyone.
Sorry. I can't promise I won't do it again. 
Maybe I will. without myself willing it to happen.

All I can say is I'm sorry. I know that's not enough.


p.s: I'm surprised of how many people would read this blog. It's nothing. It's just a place for me to talk to myself.

confused.

I can't tell who's my friend and who's not anymore.

heh

I'm tired of taking care of other people's feeling.
Who would take care of mine?

This is why I prefer to do things on my own.
I won't troubled anyone and people won't troubled me too.
I won't hurt anyone and people won't hurt me.

But no one can live alone. I really wish I can.


Maybe it will be a lot easier if I'm a psychopath.
I don't have to deal with this feeling as I don't have any.

But then, I'll start killing people, just like in the movies.

zaman kegelapan.

skrang ni serius zaman kegelapan. 
semakin lama, semakin malap kegemilangan dan kecemerlangan yg ader since skolah rendah. chewah.
kalau ingat2 balik, bahagia nyer la masa sekolah rendah dulu.
main2 jer keje.
sekolah menengah pun, main2 gak lg. tp kureng sket ah.
tapi undergrad nih. fuh. main2 jer, habis ah.
merundum. 
serabut serai hidup skrang. haaaiiihhhh.
guitar dh berhabuk dh. x sempat nk main. psp tu dh jd pekasam dlm laci.

kuchiwa gler dgn math nih. 
professor main peranan besar jugak la. salah pilih prof, kalau x dpt nk adapt ngan dia, habis.
aku lg sanggup amek kelas ngan Prof. Pamella Pigg yg test dia susah nak mampos tp dlm tiap kelas dia, mmg kompom paham.
kenapa la dia x ajar 175. haih
Prof aku skrang macam haper ntah. ader masa paham aper yg dia ajar.
tapi mostly x make sense aper yg dia ckp. x pahaaaaaaaammmmm.
huuaarrgghhh.
dah terlambat. dh nk hbs sem dh. redah jer ah. 
yikuzo!

fuk

that's all I want to say.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

..

dear BSCI 110A,
why are you being so hard to me?
open up, let me in.
let me understand you. let me engage in your life.
you too Math 175.
I really need you both to cooperate with me.
SPAN100, we've been getting along really great, but it seems like you're avoiding me. Trying to be further away from me. Why?
ChBE161, we had a pretty smooth start and please, stay with me.
Don't leave me too far behind. I'm trying my best to catch up.

love, xoxo.