not sure if you did that on purpose, or you really are that inconsiderate.

fml

seriously.

fuck my life.

Suddenly I fell so deep into the hole-of-feeling-forever-alone.
"would anybody care if I died right in this moment other than my family?"
"would anybody help me if I got into some deep shit?"

"would you care?"

suddenly I feel I've no where to turn to if I need someone.

and whenever I feel that, I'll walk around main campus at night.
all the way to Wilson Hall.
I like the noises that nature made. spotted a few fireflies too.

keep my mind off things. 

bebelan random di hari jumaat

It has been a while since the last time I wrote here. 

Suddenly have the urge to do so but don't know what to write.
Just, random stuff, I guess.

Working right now, bored. Someone just called and asked about vpn. I know what it is, what it do, but I don't know how to solve his problem.
I'm so sorry, random Indian guy working with physics department.
Sometimes I think working at ITS doesn't really suit me. I feel guilty every time I can't solve someone's problem. I know that's normal for new employee as I'm still learning all about those computer stuff but, I want to do my best at this. I mean, I'm paid to do this, of course I want to make the money worth it.
and I also feel guilty for disturbing my co-worker, asking lots of questions while trying to understand what the caller's problem really is and figuring out the solution for it.

Hurm. I'll learn step by step, I guess.

Oh, I did a blood donation last Wednesday :D
Felt good about it and weird because that was the most random thing I did that day. I was on my way back home, walked by the Olin Hall and saw an American Red Cross truck. saw a sign on the door of the truck that said, 'counter is in Olin Hall'. Suddenly remembered a year ago (or maybe two years ago) where I saw the same truck, walked to the registration counter, stood there for like few seconds, saw a sign that said 'picture ID needed' and I didn't have my passport with me at that time. Then when the person on the counter asked me if I've an appointment or not, I said "just looking around" and walked away. It happened for a couple of times in the past two years. Saw the truck, interested to do it, but never really did.

So, when I saw the truck last Wednesday, I thought "hey, why not today? I have my driving permit with me; no more 'I don't have a picture ID' excuse. I'm in a good mood and I'm feeling well"

Without realizing it, I walked into Olin Hall, headed to the counter and said "hey, I'm interested to do this."
signed the paperwork, got into the truck, aaannndddd did it!

maybe some time in the future, somewhere, my red blood cells are flowing in someone's veins. Heck, my blood may also save someone's life.

don't you think that's cool?
I do :D

tiba2 rasa nak update blog tanpa rasa emo. haha
ok tipu. emo sket.
x boleh tdo dh seminggu ni haaaa. apokobondo.
padahal petang semalam tido dlm 2 jam jer. 
haih. 
ari ni pindah pulookkk.
haaiihh.
satu ape x start packing nih.
haih haaiiihhhhh.

oh2, pastu cam touching sbb berpisah ngan abel. sobs :(
*padahal lain bilik jer kan, bkn x jumpe langsung.
ingat lg dulu di kala aku keresahan xde rumate ntuk junior year, terhegeh2 aku mintak nk rumate so duk 3 people apartment. xde sape nak. sobs. 
aku paham. kalau dah selesa ngan rumate masing2, buat ape nak tambah or tukar kan.
bile dh berjaya pujuk mokcik dilah ntuk jd rumate, kene pecah pulok sbb x cukup 2 people apartment.
abel ngan aten chose ntuk terima aku. terima kasih banyak2. sobs. 
berbahagia la aku hidup, makan sedap jer abel masak setahun.

di sini saya ingin merakamkan jutaan terima kasih kepada nor fatin nabilah mohd apandi kerana telah menjaga saya dengan begitu baik sekali, di kala susah dan senang. pengorbanan beliau tidak akan saya lupakan sampai bila-bila. saya minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki andai ada terkasar bahasa mahupun terguris perasaan. halalkan makan minum.love you so much! :3

Lewis 904, 2011/2012

if you choose to still bullshit, I will walk away.
just like the others.

I have nothing to lose.

youngest

orang selalu kata anak bongsu ni untung.
dimanjakan lebih. blah blah. 
tapi tahukah anda, kami sentiasa di-compared dengan adik-beradik lain?

both good and bad. 

good:
"camne sekolah? grade camne?"
"biasa2 jer. uhuk"
"biasa2? abang awak tu haaaa. blah blah blah. awak mesti buat lagi baik!takkan la x boleh nak beat abang awak tuh!"

bad:
"dah nampak kan akibatnyer? jangan la awak buat camtu"


I can definitely feel the weight getting heavier, each year I get older.
I'm trying my best. I am. 
Both academically and in life.
I definitely am.

aku update blog bile emo jer. 
and skrang aku tgh emo. 


blog aku, sukeati aku ah nk guna ntuk ape kan. lol
I don't even care ade org baca ke x blog hampeh nih. 
I just want to get something of my chest.


penatla care pasal someone yg aku pun x sure dia kisah ke x pasal hidup mati aku. 
but I just can't help it. 


nak jd feelingless please.
so aku x bazirkan dasar belas kasihan aku ni kt org yg x sepatutnye. 
penatla emo sorang2. 


maybe I should stop keeping everything inside.


semua bnde la aku simpan.
I'm not good at 'letting it out'

maybe that's why sometimes I just, 'boom'
and the timer is ticking right now. 


tick tock.

Balik Kampung bebeh.

Total 23.6 hours of flight.
fuh.
bergolek la aku dlm flight tuh.
nanti singgah Dubai bebeeehhhh. dah beli tiket at the top Burj Khalifa bebeeehh.


tapi peliknye aku x berape excited pun skrang nih. berape jam jer lg nih.
belum feeling kut. lol

I'm coming home. coming home. 
Tell the world I'm coming home. 


4 days to go bebeh. get excited. 


*masalahnye aku yg x excited nih. =.="
malas nak kemaasss. bahagia nye golek2, makan tdo jeerr :3

I'm learning to accept the fact that I can't afford to have everything that I want.
I have to choose wisely on what should I spend.


It's not that I don't want to. 
I'd love to. 
but I chose not to, in order to get something else. 


I've spent enough on myself. 
just this one time, I want to spend some money for my family. 

I need to put my wish list on hold. 


hopefully, they'll love the things that I bought :3

what the fuck is wrong with me?
pull yourself together aini. 
halfway to go. 

Spring Break

Spring break has come to an end. 
9 days went by, just like that.
well, not exactly 9 days. more to 8 days. 
today is the last day T.T


my break was pretty good. went to NYC. slept and ate a lot. lol


I haven't start my socio paper. 40 pages of journal to read and summarize. ppfftt. 


I don't know why but I really don't want this break to end.
I need more days off. days where I can wake up at any time, without being startled from the sound of the alarm clock. days where i don't have to worry about any homework's due date. days where I could be carefree and stress-free.
I can be bored to death, but so damn happy.
yes, those sound like heaven. too good to be true. 


sometimes I feel I'm tired of studying. I've been going to school for almost 16 years. 
there are times where I feel like I can't go on anymore. 
I think I've had enough. 
I know what you're thinking. "what an ungrateful brat."
I just, couldn't help it. 


I need my strength back. 
I need something to give me a boost to get through college. 
I need my mom *homesick T.T

pengsan berkali-kali. omooooooooooooooo.
hensem sangat mamat nih.

I never learn my lesson.


I never learn that caring too much about the person that don't really give a fuck about me, will only end up with me, hurting. 


I never learn that not all good deeds will be rewarded. 


I never learn that every single person in this world have at least, a little bit of selfishness in them. 














"Why would you give so much fuck about them?"
I don't know. I really don't. 




I guess it's a curse. 
It really is. 




.


.


.


.


.


.




a picture of potato at the end of 9gag post always made me chuckles. 
hope this one can do the same. 

pathetic. 

if every single person in the world have the thought of "that's your problem. I've been through mine, on my own struggle. You need to go through the same struggling as I did just so you know the feeling," then the world is in much worse condition than I thought


I hope that it's not that bad. faith in humanity can still be restored. 
LOL

I just wrote my heart out and it's gone. 

I never wrote anything that serious. 

I literally poured my heart out and IT'S FUCKING GONE.

AND I CAN'T FUCKING WRITE EVERYTHING BACK.

FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK MY LIFE. 

jarang aku nak terasa. 
especially bende yg remeh temeh. 


but disebabkan hormone x stabil *sebab aku baru start work out balik kut (bley terima x alasan. lol), walaupun bende tu kalau aku cakap, mesti orang cakap "x make sense ko nak terasa" but yes, aku terasa. 


sekian. 


p.s: baru found out aku senang nk cool down pas exercise rupenye. lol