kalau orang wat baik kt aku, aku balas balik berkali ganda baik.
kalau orang wat jahat kt aku, aku balas balik berkali ganda jahat.


it's a vicious cycle. but you forced me to do it.
so, if you want me to be a bitch, I'll be one.
if you want me to be your best-est friend, I'll be one.
I'll let you decide.


sekian.


this is a general post to anyone. 
saper yg nk wat jahat kt aku tu, pikir2 balik.
saper yg nk wat baik, you won't regret it, I promise.
orang yg btul2 kenal aku, tau ah kan pasal nih.


and again, jgn sesuka hati interpret aper yg aku tulis kt sini.
aku dh penat ngan orang yg sesuka hati rasa dia kenal aku sangat. interpret sumer bnde yg aku tulis. no, you don't. 
nk kepastian, jumper aku. jgn wat andaian sendiri. 
aku dh fed up.

cinta x kesampaian.

ok, aku rasa cam org baru putus cinta.
kasih sayang yang ku curahkan selama ini, rupernyer tidak dihargai.
kecewa2.


first of all, jgn membuat andaian aper2. aku ni agaknyer mmg dpt gene sarcastic dr bapak aku. 
kalau dia marah bai, fuh. menusuk kalbu aper yg dia ckp.
padahal masa dia ckp tu xder nada marah pun.
x berniat pun nk get things across to anyone. kang tiba2 ader pulok yg terasa. pastu x pasal2 aku pulok yg kene.
kalau x tau, duk diam2. jangan wat andaian sendiri.
tolong ah. aku ader byk bnde lain lg kne deal dr life aku kt vandy ni jer.


ok, berbalik kepada cerita. ader la seseorang ni. 
dalam diam, aku sayang dia sangat2. aku x cakap as aku mana pandai bnde sweet2 nih. =,="
karakter dia yg nmpk cam lemah, membuatkan aku rasa aku nk lindungi dia. aku nk jaga dia sebab aku tau, aper kekurangan dia, aper kelebihan dia, and aku terima seadanyer semua tu. 
aku dh berniat nk jaga dia. serius. org hentam dia, aku back up.
senang cter kalau dia ader aper2 masalah, serius dia bley count on me.

prnh aku ckp sblum ni, kepercayaan aku agak susah nk di-earn. aku susah nk percaya orang. tp org ni, dia dh dpt dh.
walaupun x selalu ckp, x byk bnde yg kterorg kongsi bersama, diam2 aku perhatikan dia dr jauh. kadang2 ader yg aku mintak tolong org, tgk2 kan dia kalau aku xder ke, haper ke.
kalau aku g mna2, yg aku bley bawak balik smthg ntuk dia, aku bwk balik.


and ader gak bnde yg aku wat senyap2 yg dia x tau(maybe la). dia ni selalu rasa rendah diri sangat. aku cuba boost kan sket. aku prnh stalk blog dia, bg kata2 perangsang sket.  klau tu dpt wat dia senyum sket, aku hepi jugak.


and then, semakin hari, semakin jauh. 

tiba2, boom. terasa diri ditusuk duri. sungguh x disangka. 

ishk. tangkap leleh jugak gua bai.

hancur luluh hatiku.

org lain aku kurang kisah. tp dia.. sungguh x ku sangka.

apakan daya, jodoh x panjang. dia baik, aku jahat. combination yang x kene.
lgpun dia dh makin matang. dh bley hidup tanpa aku. aku pun dh x berapa risau dah. aku percayakan orang yg selalu ngan dia skrang tu. org tu waayyy better than me.
dh besar panjang dah. tsk*dh mcm ckp pasal anak pulok.


tp aku x prnh menyesal pun ader perasaan syg tu kt dia.
xper la, aku akan ingat segala bnde baik yg berlaku sepanjang kter bersama. 
aku x pernah simpan aper2. kalau suruh aku recall balik bnde yg dia wat yg aku x puas ati ke, haper ke, aku x ingt. serius aku x ingt.


aku jenis yg x suker panjangkan cerita. aku selalu ader prinsip cam, ntuk sumer bnde, ader at least 2 pilihan.
sebagai contoh, aku lapar. kalau makan, kenyang ah. kalau malas, berlapar jugak ah. 


aku sacrifice ntuk kebahagiaan org lain, aku misery.
aku pentingkan diri kang, pun misery jugak.
haih. pathetic sungguh hidup ini. 


but I will still continue to watch org tu from quite a distance. 
and maybe I'll smile every time I think of the great things we have done together. 
thank you so much.


p.s: kne betulkan balik niat. buat baik sbb Allah, bkn sbb org. kalau org x balas balik aper yg kter dh wat, xder ah kecewa sngt kan.
http://www.iluvislam.com/tazkirah/nasihat/1013-berilah-kerana-allah.html

tired.

I'm so fucking tired with this drama, I don't give a fuck about it anymore.


hey, yes, I know, everything is my fault.
it's ALWAYS my fucking fault.
I'm seriously getting used to that. 
"oh, nah, you don't have to feel guilty or anything. it's my fault. let me take the heat for you. go ahead, have fun. don't worry about it. I got your back"


I seriously don't give a damn anymore.
I've always try my best to be the very best to everyone. 
no matter how hard I try, people will say I'm bad after all.


So, here's what I came up with.
instead of people saying I'm bad, even though I'm trying my best to be good, I'll be bad.
I'll be bad for good.
I'll be the most bad ass motherfucker that everyone want me to be so badly.


Oh, hell yeah.

black sheep.

not just a crazy motherfucker, someone got to take the blame for everything. and yup, most people will blame the black sheep.

baa baa black shit.

muahaha

I've been so darn busy last week.

and this week is pretty much the same too. I should be studying Thermodynamic for the test this evening, but, take 5 :P

anyway, I've been working for 2 weeks now. 

just on weekends. 3pm to 9pm on Saturday and Sunday. yeah, I gave up my weekends to support my 'nafsu' on buying stuff :P

and I want to buy stuff for my family and give it to them, when I get back home hopefully, next year. I gotta admit, I've been very jealous when my friends bought stuff for their family.

with my 1st paycheck (oh hell yeah I've think about what I'm going to buy :P), I want this:

another baby. baby nano :P

I haven't really decide what to engrave on it. I think it's kinda boring to just engrave my name. So far, I like what I engraved above, "Aini likes her bass down low" :P

'Bass down low' is my favorite song right now. and even though Dev is not as cute as I thought she is, I still like her :P

mad.

I'm so fuckin' angry at myself right now.


ang pi kalut sangat tu awat? 
yg senang pun ang pi bantai salah.
suka ati ang. balik kampung, tanam jagung jer la.

sekian.

I wish I'm a genius. 

I don't have to work hard to solve problems.

I don't have to disturb my friends, begging for help.

I won't ask for help if I don't need help.

I really wish I'm a super duper genius.

and I also wish for not being too sensitive. 

p.s: thanks to friends that had helped me a lot. I know this is cliche, but, only God can repay what you guys have done. and if there's anything that I can help with in the future, don't hesitate to ask.